How I Freed Myself

Just a few years ago (that would be around four years ago) what I have accomplished this past week would never have happened.  How dare I go against the flow? How dare I step out of the tracks that were set before me? Me, get out of my comfort zone (yeah, whatever) no sir, I like my small and comfortable bubble. I feel safe in my bubble. Oh.. how these past few years have changed.  For “goodness sake” this man (he looks completely innocent… doesn’t he?) decided to in 2013

(just sitting and relaxing on the front porch)
(just sitting and relaxing on the front porch)

that my “safe bubble” had to be popped.  We had a weekend free from our lovely daughters. 239

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As we were driving too I do not know where, Ryan is making phone calls, and speaking of prices of “something”.  Words such as “a couple” and a “single drop” would come out.  Here I was, thinking how sweet he was for making dinner reservations.  I was so happy with him, but since we were on the thruway, where in God’s Green Planet are we going?  After all the phone calls, he looks over at me, with this “look”, that look of “I got something planned”.

He say’s “How would you like to do something reckless?” What I think, something reckless to me was buying a new plant that would die in about a week from me over tending to it.  He goes, “we are going ski diving and we are about 20 minutes away, how does that sound”? “WTH, my feet belong on planet earth” was my reply.  Within seconds, I am formatting everything that could possibly go wrong and the hospital bills that could accrue.

As we talked, yes, ski diving was on my bucket list, but it was something that he did say that was true.  A lot of people do have things on their bucket list, but actually pursuing them is something totally different. So I complied, I sat through the movie (which I swear was from the 80’s)…hesitantly participated in the “how” to get the gear on and off.  I was trembling, my palms sweaty, I don’t think my words were actually understandable as I get my gear on, boarded a plan that I swear was from the 70’s sat in the corner like a disobedient child with dice hanging in the corner.

I went throw the motions of backing up and then I felt the cold air hit me like a ton of bricks.  Holy hell, this is happening and there is no way out of it.  I wanted to be put back on the ground where it was safe.  Then again, while I am  up here, I might as well take the jump.  So, I rocked and flipped out of the plane.

It was a shock to my system on all levels, with my eyes closed tightly I let out of a blood curdily scream.  When the parachute was finally open (which felt like a life time, and I was concerned that we got the “bad one”) I opened my eyes then it happened, a switch was clicked on.  I dove out of a plane into the ski, the parachute opened, and I did it! The  view was spectacular, no it was breathtaking.  I felt so liberated. I felt free. I accomplished something that so many talk about, but so few actually follow through and do.  As we floated to the ground, I did stumble for my knees were shaking. and I was so overwhelmed with what I had just seen and done.

IMG_20130727_151838 I took a picture of Ryan floating to the ground (he decided to not take a picture of me, for they had a bet going on if I was actually going to make it to the ground without falling). (lovely boyfriend at the time).

A year later in the summer of 2014, I did something else that was another big stepping stone for me in actually doing something on my bucket list at that was chopping of 12 inches of my hair

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Ryan playing with my hair – he thinks he is funny (actually it was)…
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Summer of 2014

I had always wanted to donate my hair to locks of love, it took me a couple of weeks, but I finally did it. I did it! To me this was another thing that liberated me and freed me.  Something that pushed me out of my bubble and motivated me in succeeding. The reason why I have shared two life events with you, is that these two events amongst others have enlightened me in that, I do not have to  always stay on the safe road.  That If I want it, I must get out of my bubble, I must extend my comfort zones.  These accomplishments (small to some, but huge in my personal opinion ) showed me that I am strong enough to pursue what I want to do, and to take the naysayers with a grain of salt.

Ryan has been my motivator, the one to push me out of comfort zone, and this I say to you, get out of your comfort zone every now and then, for who knows what you can accomplish!!!

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I have the answer in my head — I just have not found it yet

As I am starting this expedition of following an appetite of mine, I see many doors that are opening.  Which door do I cross the threshold? How did I arrive at this conclusion to actually actively pursue something that I love to do?  Well, let me just say, that I have grown weary in trying to follow paths in a heavily constructed forests of “what’s best for you”, I have grown tired of reading articles that “should, should not” do.  So, I decided to make my own path, hack down the intrusive objects in my way, for as one of my favorite quotes go “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul”  by William Ernest Henley. How to do persuade others that what I want to do is not just a hobby, but something that I take seriously? But, who says that you can not enjoy your work, or take your hobby into something more productive and lucrative? As the days go by, and I narrow down to what I want to write about and develop a following. I look forward to what my audience wants and desires to read about. I am eager to research the topics that an audience wants to know more about, and to enhance my knowledge about different subjects, I am even looking forward to the critics that will come, for those too play a part in a success tale.   So I will stock up on the eye drops, and while the final steps are being taken in the developing of my blog and making sure everything is linked properly I will continue in these up dates.  So cheers to all, have an awesome day, and do not be afraid to start commenting.

Pink Wagon

Yesterday I had wrote about the upcoming chaos that our little family was going to encounter (similar to seeing the weather radar and the weather that is out west will soon be upon us, and prepping for this broken record of “snow”).  Even thinking of seeing my youngest march down the aisle when her name is called, tugged on my heart.  In the midst of this I remember a moment when she was four and we were all playing outside and feeling the warm grass under my feet and hearing “You the best mommy in the whole world”  had crossed my four year old daughter’s lips for I was allowing her to pull her pink plastic wagon to the mail box that day. Now, I am the best mommy at times. (well, I am a mommy first, and there are times that well, you so can not do that, such as buying another cat then its the “your the worst mommy ever”)  That pink wagon.  Oh my god, that pink wagon has stood the test of time. That pink wagon has been stumped on, somehow has been used as a foot stool, a sled (yes, a sled) in the middle of summer.  For some ungodly reason, both girls got it in their head that one could sit in it while the other pushed the other down a hill in the backyard.  How they did not get more then a scratch still baffle my mind. That pink wagon has been used as a shopping cart, a storage container for left over snacks, a fairy princess carriage and more.  More baffling is, the things they pull while the back is turned for a second.  That pink wagon, has been the source of many healthy disagreements from “we can pull the wagon, and walk the dog”, to “we can use it to collect clay” (now, I know this one would end up my half bent over trying to pull a pink wagon full of clay walking down the road). This pink wagon is beat up, the soft pastel blue wheels are falling off, but the girls still see use out of.  Watching them place (very gingerly and carefully) their stuffed animals in it.  After (imagining) that the stuffed animals are buckled up, they will start to walk very carefully and avoid any harm take off like there was some monster behind them. I (One of the best $35 spent !).

Buckle Up

Life is about to get a little bit more chaotic– as if it hasn’t been a whirlwind of decisions already. Planning a wedding and trying to keep everyone satisfied was next to impossible, so we will do what makes us happy (for is that not part of a wedding, where the groom and bride feel “happy”).  So, if the groom wants me to walk down the aisle to “welcome to the jungle” (which he does), and not the traditional bridal march, then it is on.  It is a touch hard to think that indeed, spring is right around the corner (with the feet on top of feet of snow that is out in the yard).  But, spring is coming which means that the wedding will be here, then a move to a new home the following week, and then a graduation of my youngest from kindergarten.  So I say, buckle up, (there is only so much prepping that I can do), enjoy the ride, actually have fun at our wedding, and wipe the tears from my face when I see my baby walk down the aisle to receive her diploma of completion of kindergarten (okay, I do agree to an extent, a diploma of completing kindergarten can be seen as too much).