To my Demons

To my Demons,

I thought I lost you

even though deep down I knew I  hadn’t

I knew one day you would come back

And you did

This time you brought a legion

The legion I hadn’t seen for eons

I hadn’t snuffed you out

I had relieved you of your duties

The duty to fuck with me

My head was no longer your home

My soul was no longer your territory

To search and seize

But you have reclaimed what once was yours

You have reclaimed my soul

You have reclaimed my spirit

You have reclaimed my mind

I hadn’t even known that I had

until it was too late

Now you’re here again

You have come across the threshold

And I was too weak to prevent you

My soul is engulfed now with what you bring

My mind is now up for sale at the market

But no one wants it and it’s returned for the barter

My soul is being played with like a hot coal

And all you do my legion is laugh

All you do is stand in the shadowy corner

The corner of my soul that is too dark to touch

The corner of my soul where no one trends

The corner of my soul that is obscure too incomprehensible for some to even bear thought

And now all you do is wring my soul

You twist the little pleasures away

You take the few sparkles of life and tell me they are not mine to have

You tell me my life is not mine to live

You tell me I’m no good

You tell me I am not me

You tell me I am fucked

You tell me I am better of lifeless

You tell me to surrender like I once had

You tell me I am too beaten

You tell me I am to scared for the sale

You tell me I am worthless

You tell me I should cower and hide

You tell me I am conquered like I once was

you tell me that

My soul should be yours once again

My tears burn for they have smoldered a long time in the opaque of the corner of my soul that no one trends

To my legion I will not surrender

To my legion I will not raise you any more

To my legion I am worth something

To my legion

get the fuck out of my head

To once my legion

get the fuck out of my soul

For my soul

My spirit

My mind

Are mine.

It is okay not to be perfect <3

untitled  Elgh…Monday’s — Each day is a new beginning a clean slate — but there is just something about Mondays that it takes a few more seconds to crawl out of bed to swipe the red X button to the green circle of the alarm.  Getting kids out of bed to go to school takes an extra five minutes.  Monday’s even though they are a new beginning,it just takes a few extra cups of coffee to welcome the day.

I found this quote searching Google for something inspiring to motivate me to get me going on such a cold, snowing day.  All I want to do is crawl back into bed and hibernate until spring has come.  I tried to imagine that our Siberian tundra of a yard was of a lush green with white and purple violets poking out of the yard, but it was meant with the wind and snow in my face.  That sucks.

So I will keep on searching google for that “right” quote that will have me going like the pink energizer rabbit cause my batteries are about dead, and the now empty pot of coffee did not do the trick.  Yet, it 18 days (according to the calendar) spring will be here and this brings a smile to my face.  Spring, the warm sun will soon return, the snow will melt into a lake in our yard, muddy footprints will soon cover our blond bamboo floor, but flowers will be starting to blossom.

Its been a Whirlwind of a Week

I know it has been roughly four days since I made a post to my blog, and I must apologize for this.  It has been so chaotic here at our home that … yes…my blog took the .. “in ten minutes…okay tomorrow..defiantly tomorrow” ..

This past week has been a whirlwind of activity.  I finished Part 2 to my short novel Pandemonium, which has me a little on edge since I have sent it to the publisher Wednesday.  Ah….the anxiety and the finger nail biting waiting in anticipation of what the editors and proofreaders will say and suggest … I welcome the possible future suggestions …  But oh my goodness … what will they say and suggest?

Do not get me wrong I am so happy … thrilled/ecstatic about this move …but I am feeling mixed emotions.

I feel vulnerable in sharing such a numbing and sore experience, but I do it to inspire others, to motivate others, that even through the darkness of tragedy…there is a light even though it may be smaller then a sliver …there is hope…

So now as somewhat simmer now — my mind is going back into overdrive as a research and create my next novel — this makes me smile … granted…I would like to sleep one day — col — .

135 …..and let us not forgot these little adorable creatures —